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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in jayne's LiveJournal:

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    Friday, November 25th, 2011
    11:14 am
    Wisdom of Children

    A conversation between my MIL and my 4.5 year old nephew:

    MIL: “What’s my name, Henry? What’s my name?”

    Henry: “Scarecrow!”

    Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

    Sunday, June 13th, 2010
    4:29 pm
    Not that anybody reads this, but I do this instead now.  
    Wednesday, September 16th, 2009
    1:35 pm
    Twilight Zone
    Today has included:

    * Waking up bizarrely refreshed from a night with no sleep and blasted through Zumba class at 6 AM. 

    * Sighting of the most adorable mastiff puppy in the world at Red Rover

    * At least two family/family friend situations where someone is suspected of murder or attempted murder. Related: an elaborate lie about having breast cancer, the theft of hundreds of thousands of dollars, sordid family secrets, and more. It's not as fun living in a soap opera as you might think.

    * Jenny decided to put an offer on a beautiful house in East Nashville about two miles from me. 

    * The company secured a huge investor. My sister and I both got a significant raise, and went to Marche to celebrate that raise.

    * On the way home from Marche, my sister got an email from a friend who had a miscarriage.

    What. The. Fuck. It's not even 2 PM. 

    Tuesday, August 25th, 2009
    2:41 pm
    Huh. Been a while.
    I haven't posted in here since right before my grandfather died. But if anything, you people are just as negligent as me.

    I could talk about my new house (which I love), my new neighborhood (which I love), my sister moving back to Nashville (which I love), or my upcoming trip to Florida (don't love) and then Savannah (love), but I would really rather talk about autumn. Which, guess what, I love. 

    Fall has always been my favorite season. You can take summer and keep it, but right about now is when I begin my two-month ramp-up for Halloween. I'm always happiest in October. I love thinking about spicy cider, haunted houses, cruncy leaves, and trick-or-treating. I want full moons and chilly weather and long bike rides out in Leiper's Fork. 

    Of course, it's much too early for Halloween, but I'm going to do the next best thing. Sometime in October I'm going to have a harvest or Halloween party. I want to make punch and serve it in a bowl. Make bat brownies and have miniature candy bars. Or a chili cookout. But definetely a bonfire. I've got a fire pit in my backyard that I've never even used. So mark your calenders, because when autumn hits this year I will be so ready to celebrate. 
    Saturday, May 23rd, 2009
    7:15 am
    So Boulder is pretty much exactly how you'd expect, with mountains, skinny people in hiking boots, health food stores, scores of delicious local restaurants and breweries, used bookstores, and cute little boutiques. The whole town lies at the feet of the Rockies. I can see mountains out my window.

    We've hit candy stores, toured the Celestial Seasonings factory, eaten vegan food, and driven on winding mountain roads. Last night we ate at a teahouse imported from Tajikstan (yes, the actual building) and the couple at the next table got engaged. Today we're going to Rocky Mountain National Park and the the hotal that inspired Stephen King to write The Shining.

    Boulder is awesome and this vacation is the best idea I've had in months.
    Sunday, May 17th, 2009
    9:01 pm
     My life is in boxes. My suitcase is packed for Colorado, and the rest of my stuff is packed for East Nashville.

    It's taken a lot of bullshit, last-minute repairs, money, and a lot of energy, but we might actually be rid of this house. It's never truly felt like us, like home. The next house feels more like home than here ever did, and we don't have anything in it yet.

    That's not to say I didn't like the Sunrise house, because I did. I learned how to cook, bake, and garden. We got married while living in this house, got a puppy, and started building a life together. It seems like we're much better prepared for this time around.

    We've ordered a new couch and chair from West Elm (on super mega insane-o sale), a washer and dryer, and we've hired movers. I bought curtains for the first time in my life (really cute ones from Urban Outfitters). I am attempting to put together our new home with intention, to actually make all the rooms comfortable but still pretty, which is the opposite of my "throw our furniture wherever it fits" philosophy of this house. We're selling some of our old furniture, and if you want to buy it you can go here.  We threw away about a dumpster worth of stuff today -- old spices from the cabinets, a bunch of random perscriptions, pills, potions, creams, and powders from the bathrooms, and a whole lotta trash. I did my last load of laundry in our old smelly washer, which, inexplicably, the people buying our house want to keep.

    And damn, I'm tired.

    I thought we should have moved our closing date up to this weekend, so we could move and then go on vacation. Dave argued that right before you move is in fact the perfect time to go on vacation, because you just need a fucking break in the midst of all the chaos. So he's going camping with his dudes on a Big Gay Camping Trip, and I'm going to visit Eloise in Denver. We're going to eat glorious diner food, hang with the hippies in Boulder, go hiking, sleep in, visit cute cafes and boutiques, and make big fatass vegetarian dinners. I am SO excited. 

    It's funny how similar this May is to last May -- his/her weekends, tons of boxes, lots of imminent change. I could keep bitching about how tiring it is, but more than anything else, it's just a whole fucking lot of fun. 

    Current Mood: love it
    Sunday, May 3rd, 2009
    8:42 pm
    Back from Louisiana.
    A few revelations:

    * The hardest thing about being married is in-laws.

    * I am very proud of my baking abilities. I even made a rainbow cake.

    * I really, really, really need vegetables and exercise to stay sane and happy. A week without much of either made me psychotic. 

    * Leaving Oscar for a week was difficult and even though he's a lot of work, he's worth it.

    * I am still excited about the new house, but it was nice not to think about it for a week. 

    * I love you, New Orleans, and I always will. 
    Monday, April 6th, 2009
    10:51 am
    Someone put an offer on our house. A really, really good one. As in, more than we had it listed for. 

    We had two showings on Saturday, and one was a second showing, a girl came back with her parents. Then some other people came in after her. Apparently they heard someone was serious and they felt some sense of urgency and so first thing this morning we had an offer. They want to close mid-May. 

    Tonight we're looking at two of our favorite houses, both in East Nashville (Lockeland Springs area). One is a smaller, one bedroom house with amazing landscaping, and one is a larger house I mentioned in my last entry, with the fire pit.

    In either case, I want to have a big housewarming/first anniversary party in our new house in June, and reunite the Best Wedding Band Ever to play.  

    I have a zit and a cold and it's nasty outside, but life rules. 
    Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
    11:06 am
    The waiting game.
     We think someone is going to put an offer on our house. They're coming back for a second visit this weekend, and their agent is bringing all the paperwork to make an offer.

    We think we're going to put an offer on a house. It's about 2000 sq ft, on N 18th in East Nashville. It's close to Rosepepper, has a concrete covered patio, a big kitchen with granite countertops, and a FIRE PIT in the backyard. With a seating wall surrounding it. The only thing that concerns me is that we'd be able to afford it, which means that it A) has major problems, or B) will be gone before we can buy it. 

    I want to be living in a house where I can see myself staying for a good, long time, in a neighborhood where I can walk my dog on sidewalks and not have every other street be a dead end or cul-de-sac, and where I can walk or ride my bike to a coffeshop for lunch.  I'm tired of having to keep our house absolutely spotless. I mean, it's nice having a clean house but vaccuuming 3x a week and not being able to leave my gym bag out in the bedroom gets old pretty quickly. 

    It's been a busy week at work, plus last night we went to see the US Soccer team play (and DOMINATE) Trinidad and Tobago in a World Cup qualifier. Next week is Easter, which usually involves some sort of family gathering, a potential camping trip, and then Dave and I are going to Slidell/New Orleans for a week. I don't know where buying/selling/moving will fit in there, but we'll see. 

    I just looked over this post and all of my yuppie bitching makes me want to smack myself with a bag of hammers. Maybe I should just stick to food or rants. 
    Thursday, March 19th, 2009
    2:53 pm
    A non-ranty post, so you'll still be my friend
    I love springtime. I love daffodills and blooming trees and tulip poplars. Here's where I wish I had a camera, or that I would actually take pictures if I had one.

    Spring fever must have crept its way into my brain and colored everything pink, because for the first time in literally years I went to the dELiA's website. And actually ordered stuff. A couple of WWF t-shirts (that's World Wildlife Fund, I'm haven't fallen in love with pro wrestling) and a pair of grey plaid chucks. I haven't gotten a new pair of Chuck Taylors since I was in high school. I am very excited about them.

    Dave, on the other hand, was horrified by the credit card being billed with "dELiA's." He thinks I've bought a bunch of t-shirts that say "HOTTIEZ" or "Groovey planet!" with like a thousand peace signs and Lisa Frank rainbows or something.

    Last night, we went to Garland's house, where he made his own version of the KFC Famous Bowl, appropriately dubbed The Famouser Bowl. The Famouser Bowl consists of homemade mashed potatoes, corn, coleslaw, and Prince's Hot Chicken. It was as fucked up and delicious as it sounds. Somewhere, Patton Oswalt felt a tingling in his taste buds. I brought my leftover St. Patrick's Day cupcakes, which, if you didn't read my Facebook status saga, were Guinness chocolate cake with Bailey's icing. They were the best cupcakes I've ever made. Dave sulked that I brought the leftovers to the party.

    Speaking of Dave, I just got an email from him. I was in the process of making spinach lasagna with zucchini noodles last night (about as healthy as you can get with lasagna) when Garland called, filled with promises of hot chicken and heartburn. The uncooked lasagna went into the fridge, and we're eating it for dinner tonight. Dave writes me, and says:

    "I wish the lasagna had Prince's hot chicken in it."  Me too, Dave, me too.

    The Pioneer Woman makes me want to start a food blog.

    I just ordered a bunch of books off Amazon and I wish I could just spend the next few days in my house reading fairy tale novels. Or by myself in a coffee shop. Anything with delicious alone time.
    Thursday, March 12th, 2009
    4:34 pm
    Adventures in Emails
    Dave and I are going to visit my sister in Birmingham this weekend, and I have been keeping him updated with plans via email.

    To: Dave
    From: Jayne

    Jenny is obviously super excited that we're visiting. She's inviting her friends over to play Balderdash (a board game with words) after we have dinner on Friday night, she asked me if she could pick up anything for Oscar at the store, she wanted to make sure her coffee is acceptable for you, and, best of all, she's making a sock-it-to-me cake to go with breakfast on Saturday.

    What is a sock-it-to-me cake, you ask? Only the best coffee cake that has ever existed in the whole world. My mom used to make them. She made one like in October and let me have some and it was probably the most delicious cake I've ever had.

    To: Jayne
    From: Dave

    Did you really just explain to me what Balerdash is???


    I will drink gas station coffee, I’m picky out what I make at home but I’m not concerned with what I have out of the home.

     I will need coffee upon arriving, I’m not known for wild Friday nights

    To: Dave
    From: Jayne

    I didn't know what Balderdash is, was it that unreasonable to expect that not everyone is totally well versed in board games? It's not like I was like "Oh, we'll be playing Monopoly (a board game)" or "She's having some friends over for poker (a card game)."

    Abs (stomach muscles) class tonight? Salmon (a fish) for dinner?

    To: Jayne
    From: Dave

    Yes, abs and dinner. 

     Then maybe we can watch the office (tv sitcom) or research sciatica (nerve that runs down your back being pinched by a variety of reasons) or Vietnam (southeastern asian country with a long and troubled history with a lot of french and american cultural integration) on the internet (a series of tubes)

    Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009
    2:57 pm
    This makes me fucking sick.

    I hate that because I am a girl, I should feel fat and guilty whenever I eat anything.

    I hate that because I am a girl, I am obligated to bond with other girls over our shared feelings of inadequacy, because we are fat, guilty food-eaters.

    I hate that because I am a girl, I can't be offered something sweet without being "tempted," as if indulgence is a sin.

    I hate that because I am a girl, I apparently have no interests beyond shoes, Sex and the City, expensive jewlery, and losing weight.

    But most of all, I hate that people get paid millions of dollars to create advertising campaigns like that condescending piece of shit that Frito-Lay is marketing as its next big thing for women.

    I rarely get angry enough to boycott anything, but that bullshit is enough to make me want to never eat a fucking potato chip again.

    Fuck you too, yogurt commericals.
    Wednesday, February 18th, 2009
    3:16 pm
    Adventures in Customer Service
    Here's a series of emails that I sent/recieved as a result of a terrible massage appointment on Monday:

    Dear Rich,

    I just came home from my massage appointment at Balance Bodywork. I chose to go there because of all the positive reviews on Citysearch, and I was excited to find a place that was convenient both to my house and my work schedule. Derek was an excellent therapist and did a wonderful job.

    However, this will be my last visit to Balance Bodywork. From the beginning of my massage, I could hear all the noises from the gym--clanking weight stacks, people chatting, cell phones ringing. This was bad enough, but I could almost ignore that. Then, at 6 PM, the cardio strip class started. The rest of the massage was filled with blaring pop music, bass that literally shook the room, and the noise of a very active cardio class.

    I want to stress that through this, Derek was an excellent therapist, and kind enough to extend my massage free of charge. It was clear that he was embarassed by the oppressive noise. However, as a young professional I cannot often afford the luxury of a massage, and when I am able to indulge in it I take it seriously. I understand that you are both a gym and a massage studio, but next time, I am going to opt for a studio that is more respectful of their ambience and of the clients themselves. In the meantime, I would suggest that you do not schedule massage appointments during loud gym hours.



    Jayne Hello!
    I am so sorry that your experience here was so disturbed by the other services that are offered in this building. I'm taking the feed back you offered very seriously, and I have already made changes to the massage and class schedule to ensure that this does not happen again. Since we are a relatively new establishment, sometimes situations arise that call for the need to modify our systems and structure. Although we realized that the noises from the other services could be heard, we had hopes that the sound machines, fans, and music would cover the other noises up. Obviously those efforts were not enough, so from here on out our massages will not be scheduled during those noisy class times.
    I have to say that I too am embarrassed, and I feel bad that Derek was in the position he was. I want to take full responsibility for this situation, and refund you the cost of your service. I realize that you have decided to not return to Balance Bodywork for your Massage services in the future, and I understand. I believe in doing good business and offering the best service possible, I appreciate your feed back as this will help us improve as a business.  I will be sending you a check to the Sunrise Ave. address in the amount of $75.00, please be on the look out for it. I appreciate your time, attention, and suggestions Jayne, take care, and if there is anything we can ever do for you please let us know.

    Monday, February 16th, 2009
    9:11 am
    In the spirit of Elise's most recent entry, I also want to commemorate my perfect weekend. Two perfect weekends in a row, who would have thought?

    Friday we finally saw Coraline.

    Saturday I made a pie, we went to the dog park, and Ben and Elle came over for a Super Valentine's Double Date Dinner. It ruled. And my whole pie got eaten, because it was the best pie in the history of pies.

    Sunday we walked Oscar at Radnor, went to the store, and ate Zoe's for lunch. Garland and Molly came over, and Molly gave me a fucking amazing Pilates lesson and body screen, while Garland painted our downstairs bathroom for slave wages. Then we tok Oscar on another walk and I made dinner for everyone: meatloaf, baked potatoes, and collard greens. Everything was eaten and it was a big hit.

    As soon as Garland finishes our bathroom, our house will be ready for the market. And there's already the OMG PERFECT house in East Nashville--huge, beautiful, exposed brick fireplaces, front and back porches, close to dog park and Five Points, and at the high end of our budget. I love it but am trying not to get too attached as it's been on the market forever and probably has some massive problems, or else will be snatched up by the time we get to it.

    And now I keep thinking about Pilates and I think I'm going to keep trying to do some on my own at home. I'm not sure when, exactly, as I already spend about 8 hours a week at the gym doing Spin, cardio, weightlifting, yoga, climbing, and everything else, but I'll find a place for it I guess.
    Friday, February 13th, 2009
    6:05 pm

    The hat almost destroyed two months of training. Dave has the death grip on Oscar so that he does not remove the cap and promptly destroy it.

    All in all, I'm willing to consider it a huge success. Even though Petsmart wasn't my first choice for obedience classes, Oscar learned a lot and is a much better behaved puppy now.

    And here's one of the whole family: 

    Monday, February 9th, 2009
    4:43 pm
    Should I be ashamed that I like Lady Gaga? Like, really a lot?

    At least she sings live when she performs live.

    And that's some straight up good pop music.

    Whatever, don't judge me.
    Sunday, February 8th, 2009
    6:05 pm

    Perfect day, perfect birthday, perfect weekend.

    I woke up on Saturday, and went to go feed the dog and check emails on my Blackberry like I always do, and pulled out a brand spanking new white G1 (that's the Google phone).  Then we took Oscar for an interview at a doggie day care (while we're trying to sell the house), had lunch from Baja Burrito (I got cheese dip, even!) and just lazed around the rest of the day. Jenny came over with Bert, her 7-week-old Alaskan Malamute puppy, and he is basically the most adorable pile of fluff ever. Don't believe me? Here's a picture:

    Told ya so. When Bert walks, he looks like like a big fuzzy caterpillar from above. And he is super soft and loves being picked up and held. Oscar has officially been out-cuted, although whether or not Bert can match Oscar's wit and intelligence remains to be seen.

    Saturday night, we went to my parents'. My mom made an incredible meal of homemade ravioli with proscuitto and homemade marinara, and Dave made bread and a pesto pizza as an appetizer. Dessert was apple pie (I'm so over birthday cakes) and my parents got me lots of cute clothes, a SUPERFABULOUS amazing handbag, and Dave got me all the stuff from that list I posted earlier on here. My sister got me a t-shirt with a cartoon of Obama riding a unicorn, and my little brother got me all the Jurassic Park movies on DVD. Excellent haul!

    Today I woke up way too early with a mission: clean out my closet. I emptied everything, my closet, armoire, and dresser, and ended up with a shitload of really beautiful but wrong for me stuff. Jenny came over and got the best stuff, including a great pair of suede shoes and a cute Italian leather purse my Mom got me forever ago. Mandy, Molly, and Elle picked through the rest and got tons of amazing things, and I loved loved loved re-homing all my favorite clothes. Very satisfying.

    We capped off the best weekend ever with an hour and a half at the dog park. Now we're going to find food and go to the grocery.

    Love it!


    Friday, January 30th, 2009
    9:56 am

    I am writing this on my NEW red Dell 13-inch XPS laptop, bitches. The Latitude bit the dust, or at least has slowly been biting the dust over the past few months. It's been killing my productivity at work, and so Not Alone finally jumped in and got me a new machine that can run all my complicated sound editing programs without gasping and creaking.

    I am so happy right now, it's ridiculous.

    My birthday is coming up, and I feel like I am leading such a charmed life right now. I am so super happy in my marriage, in my job, and with my family.

    I feel like Not Alone is really going to go places, and it's about time--I have been working my ass off. If you want to see some of the story editing I've done, then you can check out our story site at It doesn't really pertain to anybody who would be reading this, unless one of you has enlisted in the military or married someone who did, but it's my baby and I'm proud of it. Well, most of it. A couple of clunker stories made it up there, but if you want your mind blown, listen to Kayla Williams talk about being a female soldier. Or Linda McClenahan talk about military sexual trauma. These people are amazing.

    I love my fuzzy little puppy. He was neutered last week, and has finally been released from his lampshade collar. He is so brilliantly smart--he kicks the ASS of the other dog in our puppy class, a Shi Tzu named Santos who has the IQ of a rock. I took Oscar to the dog park yesterday, for the first time ever, and he had a blast. We met a beautiful blue Great Dane puppy who was the exact same age as Oscar and didn't even know how to sit on command. Yes, lax dog owners, I am judging you.

    Also, Oscar just threw up. I don't know why I think dogs throwing up is so hilarious. But it is!

    And finally, we're going to the last ever Silver Jews show tomorrow, and staying at my badass family house in Beersheba Springs. The one with the fire pole and the drawbridge. It's going to rule.

    Loving everything right now.

    Monday, January 19th, 2009
    10:47 am
    MLK Day is one of those bogus holidays, you know? I mean, Martin Luther King is most certainly deserving of a holiday, way more than so Christopher Columbus, but it's one of those days where you can't figure out if you should be working or not, or if you should resent working or not. I say we celebrate it more, make it more important than Labor Day or Memorial Day, and just nix Columbus Day altogether.

    In any case, I'm somewhere in the world between working and not working, which is why I'm updating when I don't really have any news. Uh, here's some randoms:

    * We tried to go see Brian Posehn at Zanies this weekend, and seriously I just feel lame typing Zanies. What a shitty name for a comedy club. It's as bad as the Laff Lounge, or some shit. They should be ashamed. Anyways, we couldn't go because some bitch RIGHT in front of us bought the last ELEVEN tickets. Are you kidding me? 

    * I love making and eating gnocchi, or any homemade pasta. So much so that this FebSev, we're having a homemade pasta party at my parent's instead of going out. Dave's making bread and pizza dough, Jenny's making pasta and ice cream, and my mom's making me a birthday pie, since I've got no use for cake these days. I'm going to make limoncello cocktails and watch the puppies. Speaking of which,

    * My sister is adopting a Malamute puppy. I love love love snow dogs, so I'm excited for her, and I'm also sort of feeling some schaudenfreude since I'll get to see my sister relive the shitty first days of new puppy ownership.

    * I taught Oscar "speak" last night. He's very smart. He's now enrolled in the Petsmart obedience classes, which are not as great as Pup Scouts, but they're working. He learned "leave it!" last week and now we use it all the time. This brings his trick total up to: sit, stay, come, down, drop it, shake, leave it, stand, speak, watch me,  (though he'll only do this one for treats, which doesn't count), and bell (he rings a bell). He's also almost four months old and getting his last shots and neutered tomorrow, which means I'll be seeing you bitches (ha) at the dog park soon.

    *We really want to move to East Nashville, within walking distance of 5 Points and hopefully Shelby Park, if that is even geographically possible. We can afford a sweet house, probably, if we can sell our own house, which is not so probable. Our must list for a new house: front and back porch, big kitchen, fenced yard.

    * This is a very long entry for someone with absolutely nothing to say.
    Thursday, January 8th, 2009
    5:33 pm
    Birthday Wishlist
    FebSev is less than a month away!  So here's what I want, since you are all dying, DYING to buy me gifts, I know:

    All About Eve: I have never seen this movie, but am confident I will love it. My most favoritest movie is Rebecca, and this seems to have the same vibe. Only funny!

    Amphigorey, by Edward Gorey: How did I not know more about Edward Gorey? I have seen his work before, especially The Gashelycrumb Tinies (, but I didn't know it was this guy. Now I must own his entire collection. Or at least the first part.

    This was inspired by a Jezebel post today about a book he illustrated, about what to say after you've been deflowered in a variety of situations (i.e. by a marimba player, during a seance, during a transatlantic flight, caught in the act, etc). (

    Dinner at City House or Margot

    A trip to the movies, complete with popcorn and Sour Patch Kids.

    That's it.
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